These days it’s hard to believe that for years I blogged here twice a week, like clockwork. While working 80+ hours a week and in the later months also podcasting. Somehow I also saw friends sometimes. And I responded to hundreds of comments a month!
These days I barely respond to email. And it has been actual years, two whole years to the day, since I posted anything here. I haven’t been writing and posting elsewhere, nor have I been working on a new book. I’ve simply been occupied with my life now, a life that looks a lot different from in the past. I think I’ve actually, finally achieved that “next life” I was seeking.
Stepping Away from My Online Life
Even though I wasn’t blogging over the past couple of years, I was still participating in the internet, sharing updates on Twitter until Elon took it over, and also on Instagram (which autoposts to Facebook, even though I rarely logged on there) and a few on Threads. But in 2023, something changed for me. I found myself wanting to post less often. The voice in the back of my head that chided, “You haven’t blogged in months. You really ought to write something,” got quieter, and then went silent. And that impulse I’ve felt for years to stay relevant by staying present on the internet began to fade.
Maybe it was realizing that there wasn’t a third book demanding to burst forth out of me, and therefore having an “engaged audience” wasn’t serving any purpose other than ego. Maybe it was feeling discouraged by the devolution of online discourse and knowing that nothing I can say will change anything. (I know that losing Twitter as it used to be and watching it turn rotten was a blow, and I miss interacting with my friends there. I think I actually did mourn the loss for a while.) For sure some of it was having had a few off-putting parasocial experiences happen over the years, making me want to be less open with people who don’t actually know me, something that hurt a lot because I believe that the vast majority of people are awesome, especially in this community, and my inclination is always to share freely in hopes that it will help someone else. (Also because I’m not and never have been famous.) Certainly some of it was my growing frustration at seeing everyone else get to live a back-to-normal life while I still have to live in a COVID bubble, at least until Anthem Blue Cross stops fighting me and my doctors and covers Pemgarda already. And maybe it was seeing how much more I could accomplish in other parts of my life if I removed the time suck of the internet, especially social media. Of course it was a bit of all of them.
But at the start of 2024, I not only stopped posting on social media (which I had actually stopped doing back in September 2023, save for one little post on Instagram in January), I stopped engaging with social media altogether. I stopped opening the apps entirely. I would have deleted them from my phone but found that I was only really using my phone as a camera (and for Spelling Bee… we all need one vice). Aside from keeping up my Duolingo streak and playing Wordle and Spelling Bee on the New York Times app, I stopped engaging with whole swaths of the internet. I traded podcasts for audiobooks. I stopped looking at email most days. I read news headlines a few times a week (because I still believe strongly that a low-information diet is bad on several levels, and we have a responsibility to be engaged with society), but I stopped trying to keep up with all the news.
But most of all, at least for now, I changed my relationship with the internet. I decided that the relationship I want in this season of life isn’t two-way. I’m not yearning for page views and likes and proof of engagement, as I often have in the past, rewards the internet sends my way because I’ve put enough of myself out there to earn those things. I want a relationship that’s only one-way. The internet gives me information when I want it, and I give nothing in return.
The Result
I have not achieved enlightenment, nor discovered the meaning of life. Mostly stepping away from the internet is not magic. But I do feel a bit better overall, the state of the world notwithstanding. I think that’s mostly attributable to:
- Getting less agitated day to day by online goings-on that aren’t important in the big picture, bringing my life drama level down to nearly zero.
- Making more time for healthy hobbies I enjoy, especially gardening and playing with the dogs.
- Having more time to dedicate to my schoolwork, resulting in learning much more. (More on this below.)
- Dedicating vastly more time to making visual art, which is the thing I feel most called to do now. I haven’t been writing, which would feel odd as a lifelong writer except that I have a different and perhaps better outlet for everything I used to put into my writing.
Stepping back from an online life has given me more time for the things I actually want to fill my days with (no one wants to look back at the end of life and say, “I spent a lot of time doomscrolling social media”). That’s absolutely the best part. Second best is silencing that voice telling me that I should be sharing more, and recalibrating my brain to be happy without the validation of strangers.
But there’s a negative side, too, that’s entirely social. I miss seeing what friends are up to. I’ve missed learning about important life events, because most people only share those things on social media these days, a change that makes sense when everyone is on social. Stepping away from social media has become a misanthropic act, and with the algorithms pushing so many ads onto our feeds, there’s no limited use of social media that will let a person stay up-to-date with friends and family. If I log on once every other week, Instagram is going to give me mostly junk posts from people I don’t follow, not give me a greatest hits of people I actually care about. There’s no easy solution for this.
Life Today
So what would I share on social media if I were posting today? The only thing that’s actually important: We’re good! Mark is great. I’ll be great once my health insurance fight ends, I finally get good COVID protection and I can start pretending to be a normal person again. We celebrated 10 years with Pico this past March (making him 12-14ish), and though he’s slowing down a bit, he’s still his goofy self, and Milo who’s been with us 3 1/2 years continues to be goofy in his different way.
Two things I’m especially proud of:
I just graduated with my certificate of achievement in German language, after completing 10 semester-long German classes, and now feel decently functional in this devilish language. (German-speakers are always proud when you note how difficult their language is.) I can now use my recently discovered German citizenship without shame of being unable to speak the language. If you ever get a chance to walk in a graduation ceremony, but think, “Nah, what I did isn’t a big deal,” knock that thought out of your head and opt in. Yes, I already have a technically fancier degree, but my community college experience was amazing, participating in graduation let me tell a bunch of people that, and I got to see how much a student getting an AA meant to a lot of families, which was super special. I’ve had amazing experiences at Sierra College, Diablo Valley College, LA Valley College, Citrus College, Berkeley City College, Santa Monica College and several more, and if you have any urge to learn more and expand your horizons, DO IT. Find the time however you must. It’s so, so worth it.
And related, I won an award for visual art at one of the colleges I attend, and I’ll get a gallery exhibition in the fall. Perhaps I’ll share details about it in the fall, perhaps not. 😉 I’ll see how I’m feeling about sharing then.
What’s Next?
It’s conceivable I could blog again, and I probably will share updates on social media again, I’m just not sure when or how often. The best bets for broad updates are to follow me on Instagram (which autoposts to Facebook) and Threads. (I also plan to share visual art updates on Cara, a new social network for artists that I just joined today, so I don’t have a lot there yet, but it seems like a place where I can pop in extremely occasionally and share some things. But it’s new so who knows!)
The email accompanying this post will be my last for a while, perhaps ever, because blast email services are stupidly expensive and it makes no sense to pay for that when I’m not selling something. (Though if you’ve ever found value in my work and the fact that I’ve never once subjected you to an ad or sponsored post, it’s not too late to buy one of my books as a way to say thanks — WALLET ACTIVISM – physical book on Bookshop.org – physical or ebook on Amazon – audiobook on Audible – more ways to buy // WORK OPTIONAL – physical book on Bookshop.org – physical or ebook on Amazon – audiobook on Audible – more ways to buy. Big thanks, as always, to those of you who’ve supported my work over the years by buying books!)
I’ll occasionally update my personal site with more art (it’s currently a bit outdated, owing to my internet absence, but I’ll try to get that updated soon), so you can check in there if you feel inclined.
But otherwise, I’ll just be doing my best to live a life that feels worthwhile to the private version of me, not the public one. I’m grateful to those who’ve engaged with the public me over the years and made my book dreams come true. Truly, thank you! If I can now return the favor and inspire you to be a little less public, and a little less online, we’ll all be just a little better off.
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