Save the Penny–Again

Here we go again. Periodically we hear proposals
to get rid of the penny. There was a major effort in 2014 and I wrote about it
then. President Trump has now officially ordered the U.S. mint to stop
producing the penny and I’ve decided to revisit the issue to remind us of the
potential consequences.

The first thought that comes to my mind
is still: “Where would that leave penny
loafers?” I suppose they’d have to become dime loafers; a nickel wouldn’t
fit in the slot. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I saw someone wearing
penny loafers, with or without coins, so I don’t see this as a major impediment
to discontinuing the penny.

The plans to jettison the penny
generally propose rounding sales up or down to the nearest nickel (a so-called
‘rounding tax’ since so many prices end in 99 cents). Some economists are advocating
that the government stop minting the nickel, too. If we also drop the nickel,
we’ll need to round up or down to the nearest dime. It costs 14.5 cents to make
a nickel; a penny costs 3.7 cents, which is twice what it costs to make a dime.

Canada
discontinued minting its penny in 2012. Their penny is still accepted as legal
tender up there, but I suspect that there aren’t a lot of Canadian pennies
still in circulation. If
you’re paying with cash, purchases are rounded to the nearest nickel. U.S. banks won’t accept the Canadian
penny. Based on recent tariff discussions, I doubt the U.S. government will
take any comfort in how successful Canada has been in getting rid of their
penny.

Another
use for the penny that came to my attention recently was using it to measure
the tread on your tires. Insert a penny upside down between two of the treads.
If any part of Lincoln’s head is covered, your tires are still good. If all of
his head is visible, the tread is dangerously worn and you should replace your
tires. You my want to keep a few pennies stashed away somewhere just for this
purpose once they’ve disappeared from circulation.

Even
once we stop minting the penny, the U.S. will continue to lose money minting
its other coins. Maybe we should become a changeless society. There are some
suggestions to that end floating around, as well as some that we should become
cashless altogether and just use plastic or some type of chip mechanism. If
that happens, you can be sure there will be plenty for me to write about.

If
the potential financial costs to consumers aren’t enough disincentive for these
proposals (pun intended), here are some emotional ones to consider if we remove
‘penny’ from our collective
conscience.

Getting
rid of the penny would be the death knell for the penny ante. Not to get too maudlin, but I still have the tin full
of pennies that my late mother used when she played poker with her lady
friends. My mother died in 1995 and the last member of her card group died in
2012 at age 103. Their penny tin lives on, as full as it was after their last
game.

The
title (and lyrics) of the Beatles’ song Penny
Lane would have to be changed. Somehow Two-Bit
Alley just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And if the nickel also gets
discontinued, we won’t be able to press that into service to replace “Fifth.” Saks Nickel Avenue sounds sketchy anyway.

The expression: “I’m like a bad penny; I keep turning up” would lose its meaning.
There would be no good pennies, and pennies in general would no longer keep
turning up. I’m not sure how we’d replace this. “I’m like a discontinued penny; I keep rounding up” comes to mind
(but quickly moves on).

Continuing
with expressions consider: “For what it’s
worth, that’s my two cents.” Turns out your two cents has actually been
worth four cents, but what would it be worth now? Would you be “dropping a dime”?

How
about your Penny Valentine? If you
sent her roses on February 14, would she become your Dime A Dozen Valentine? Whatever you called her and whatever you
sent her, what used to cost a pretty
penny would now cost an arm and a leg.

It’s
all just too sad to contemplate. Tissue, anyone?

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