Stop the Broken Record – retirementtransition

In the early days of my retirement, I read about the concept of morning pages in Julia Camerson’s The Artist Way. In the way of many things in retirement, I “tried it on.” It stuck. I’ve been an avid morning journal writer ever since. My morning journal time has become almost necessary to my well-being – it is meditative, reflective, self-validating, and often a space for the seeds of a blog post.

This morning however, I found myself writing, “I sound like a broken record.” As I work though my post-hurricane healing journey, I am finding myself impatient to be done, to be healed. I’m still having melt-downs, but at least I can recognize the hurricane-related triggers. But I am also still pondering on some of the negative thought patterns I’ve had for years. And that made me say, you’re a broken record on this topic. Why have you not broken out of that negative thought pattern yet?

I know the process of shifting negative thought patterns. First, recognize the thought. It always starts with awareness! Challenge the reality of the thought; is it truly valid? Then replace it with a positive and realistic thought. Use that evidence-based positive thought as a regular affirmation.

I know the process works. After my breast cancer treatment, I successfully used this process to work on my body image.

So why am I still bemoaning friendship, belonging, worthiness in my morning journal? Why do I continue to feel unworthy for being on the periphery of friend circles? Why do I worry I’m on no-ones first call list for planning/doing something? Why do I feel like an outsider because I can’t join in the conversation (never did it, never will)? Why do I worry about my contribution’s worthiness in an organization?

As I think back on that positive statement on body image, it was not an idealistic “I love my body,” but an “accept what is reality” statement. “They might not be anywhere close to being balanced in size, shape, or location, but a least they are smaller.” Maybe I need statement about friendship and belonging that is more accept what is reality!

Over a year ago, I had written about trying to shift my mindset about a girl tribe, the inner circle friend fantasy (link here). I told myself to focus on accepting and valuing the casual friends I have in my life. And to work on cultivating a couple of closer friendships (link here). Of course, life happened (that damn double hurricane) and I’m beginning to realize that my mindset shift and cultivation focus didn’t fully happen.

So, I need to find an accept-the-reality of the situation, positive affirmation about friendship and belonging. An acceptance of the wonderful casual friendships I do have. An acceptance of the reality that I am good at things I do and that does bring value.

“I might not be part of any inner circle, but I enjoy the time I spend with my casual friends and that’s more important. I am a positive influence on others.”

Does not feel quite right yet, but I will restart the negative thought pattern shift process again. I will stop the broken record. It all starts with awareness!

Is there a negative thought pattern that you have had to work hard on shifting?

Picture: A park walk this week.