In this post, I present you with two thought exercises. The first helps me get off the hedonic treadmill that I seem to be addicted to. The second helps me live bigger which I also struggle with.
Exercise 1: Stepping Off The Hedonic Treadmill
Hedonic treadmill: The hedonic treadmill, also known as hedonic adaptation, is a psychological concept that describes how people tend to return to a relatively stable, baseline level of happiness or sadness after experiencing major positive or negative events or life changes.
How this applies to me:
My life is great and I should be grateful every damn second that I’m awake! Often, I’m not.
You’re On The Wrong Treadmill
I was at the gym last week when my stupid monkey brain let a bad thought infiltrate it. Like a fool, I allowed myself to entertain it and quickly went into a downward spiral. I got more agitated and upset as more painful memories stormed in. But then I caught myself:
Why are you dwelling on events that happened 35 years ago? It’s 2 in the afternoon and you’re at the gym having a great workout. The fact that you got here at 12pm (2 hours at the gym!) without having to worry about a job or any other distractions is enough to be really happy about.
But that wasn’t all:
- The gym wasn’t crowded, so I had no issue using any of the equipment.
- I had a great workout and managed a set of 17 clean pull ups, a new personal record. (I was never able to do more than one pull up until my late 30s when I tried P90x workouts. The fact that I can do 17 in one set now is something I should be thrilled about.)
- I’m 51 and while my shoulders hurt a little bit when I sleep on my side, I have no other health issues. Everything pretty much feels great and works awesome!
- At the gym, I ran into a good friend and we had a nice conversation.
- Earlier that day, I had reconnected with another really great friend.
I realized that I was on the hedonic treadmill. Even when you’re life is so great you think you may be living in a dream or a simulation, you still get used to it. It was time to get off the hedonic treadmill and on to the real one!
So, I pulled myself out of my silly shit spiral, but was still a little miffed with myself. I don’t think I appreciate my life enough. But then a helpful thought exercise occurred to me:
What would 20-year-old-me think of my life now?
I’d tell Younger-Me this if could go back in time:
You have a wonderful life. You have a happy marriage with two great kids. No one has health issues. You live a great community surrounded by good people. And you’re a multimillionaire who left work at the age of 43.
Young Me would then tell Old Me he was full of shit. There’s no way life could have worked out that well.
As a kid, my life was sometimes filled with chaos. My dad was a good provider, but in other aspects, didn’t grow up and become a responsible adult until I was in my teens. I have some horrible memories I wouldn’t wish on anyone. So as a kid, I didn’t dream big. I just worried about my dad making it home after a night of extreme drinking. And then I worried what bad things he would do should he make it home. I didn’t think much about the future. I only wanted peace, security and to be treated with kindness*.
But now, here I am and life is great. If I knew I was going to die today, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but I’d have no regrets.
You: What would Young You think of Current You?
Exercise 2: Why Am I Not Living Bigger?
And then I had another thought (I was still at the gym and had this one between arm exercises):
What would 80-year-old-me think of the life 50-year-old-me is living now. Am I living the life I should be living?
This one is a little more tricky. We have kids still at home, so that restricts some of what we can do. We’re not going to take a 3 week repositioning cruise or live in Portugal for a season as some of our friends have done.
Also, we’re really happy with out lives. We like our neighborhood. We like our routines. Our cars are great. As Charlie Munger would have said, “I have nothing to add.”
So what do we do? Here are some things we spend money on:
- Services that ease the friction of daily life:
- I dislike working on cars, so I outsource that.
- We have a home cleaner that comes a couple of times per month. I’d rather spend my time writing or working on other projects.
- Upgrading experiences:
- When we go to a concert or show, we pay up for better seats.
- No clue why, but paying for parking always drove me nuts. Time is worth more than endlessly circling for a spot, so I pay for that too.
- We go out to eat less now, but when we do, we go to better places.
- When we travel:
- We get accommodations with a walkable location.
- We park at the fancy, close parking lot at the airport. It costs twice as much as the remote lot, but saves us 90 minutes of farting around with shuttle buses. Note: I look forward to a time in the near future (2030?) when a robotaxi can take me to the airport safely and efficiently, eliminating the need to drive altogether.
- Instead of renting a car at our destination, we rely on rideshare services to get around. Few things are worse than waiting in line and than dealing with the rental counter at the airport! (When I do need to rent a car, I use Avis Preferred or Turo to skip the rental counter.)
- Health:
- I have a membership to the local rec center, but also have nice equipment at home. I like frequent changes of scenery and changing up my routine.
- We have a fancy, cash-only doctor. The service here is much better than what we get through traditional insurance. MMM wrote about the provider, Cloud, here.
- Generosity:
- We pick up the check often, including at events like EconoMe when we bought pizza for 50 of our closest friends.
- We have invested in three local businesses. Our money would have been much better invested in the S&P 500, but I feel good about supporting folks trying to make the community better.
- We give to charities that are important to us and our friends. We’ll most likely end up giving most of our money away.
Post-kids, we’ll let it rip a little more. We’ll probably rent or maybe even buy a place in the mountains to be close to the outdoors. Being outside is a critical component to my happiness.
So, I think that the 80 year old version of myself would be alright with how I’m living now. I should probably stop price comparison shopping at the grocery store, but other than that, not much to optimize.
You: What would Old You think of Current You?
Caught In A Rut?
It’s easy to get caught in a rut. We’re like frogs in boiling water, only in a good way. Our circumstances are probably much better than they ever were, but we just get used to it. I know Young Me would be in awe of my life now. I should be in awe of it every day too.
And decades old behaviors are hard to shake no matter how good and rich our lives become. When we’re young, it’s great to prioritize money. A dollar saved at age 25 means MUCH more than one saved at 50. But when we’re old and in a good financial position, it’s silly not to prioritize time.
Whenever I have a bad thought, I’m going to remind myself of how great my life is. Whenever I waste precious minutes to save a couple dollars, I’m going to remind myself of how important my time is.
Life is good.
More 1500 Days!!!
You can also find me (and the dinosaurs) at:
*My dad could be extremely cruel. He didn’t like kids and would remind me of it frequently. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t ask to be here. Why did he make fun of me? Why did he call me Little Asshole? I was a well behaved kid who made honor roll and never wound up in detention.
I didn’t fight back; I just sat there and took the unprovoked attacks. I used to really dislike myself for it (“Why didn’t I stand up to him?“). But now I think it was for the better. Rebellion may have manifested itself in bad behavior like drugs or worse.
I’m at peace now. He couldn’t overcome his own bad childhood and passed the pain on to me. Generational trauma is a hard cycle to break, but I have broken it.
Life is good.
