Finding Financial Clarity After Losing a Spouse

Mary was 62 when her husband passed away suddenly. He had always been the “CFO” of the household, the one who dealt with their investments, pensions, and taxes. Mary was left with a folder of account statements she didn’t understand and an advisor she barely knew.

When Mary asked that advisor about withdrawing money to renovate her kitchen, she was told it might “not be wise” and that she should “consider waiting.” Mary left that meeting in tears. It felt like she was asking for permission to use her own money.

Eventually, she came to me. We walked through her finances together: CPP survivor benefits, her OAS, a small pension, and their RRSPs and TFSAs. It turned out she had more than enough income to cover her lifestyle and the renovation.

The numbers gave her peace of mind, but what she really valued was the conversation itself. She told me it was the first time she felt listened to, the first time she felt like she was the client.

Mary went ahead with her kitchen project. She also booked a trip to Italy with her daughter, something she had always dreamed of doing. The money was there all along. What she needed was clarity, and someone in her corner to reassure her that she could move forward.

Your Financial Next Steps After the Loss of a Partner

Losing a spouse is devastating. The grief takes centre stage, and everything else feels like noise. Yet the day-to-day bills keep coming, the RRIF withdrawals don’t pause, and questions about money pile up quickly. Who do I call? Where do I start? Can I afford to stay in my home?

I’ve worked with a lot of widows, and the first thing they usually want is not a spreadsheet. They want someone to talk to. Someone who listens and helps them make sense of what comes next.

Too often, the experience they had with their old advisor was the opposite. Clients have told me they felt disempowered, like they had to ask permission to use their own money. One widow said she dreaded phoning her advisor because she felt judged for wanting to take money out of “her” portfolio.

That is a big reason why research consistently shows the majority of widows change advisors within the first year or two after their spouse’s death. In Canada, some studies peg it as high as 80 percent. And when you think about it, it makes sense. If the advisor always directed their attention to the husband and never bothered to build a relationship with the wife, why would she stick around after he’s gone? Women want and deserve an equal seat at the table.

The other side of widowhood is something researchers have noticed but the headlines rarely capture. While men often describe their wife as their best and only close friend, women tend to have broader social networks. They have friendships, hobbies, community groups. That matters. Studies have shown that widows often fare better than widowers when it comes to long-term health and happiness. It is not that the loss hurts any less. It is that women tend to have more social and emotional support outside the marriage.

I sometimes share this perspective with clients who feel overwhelmed and alone. I remind them that they already have a support system, whether that is children, siblings, friends, or community connections.

Part of moving forward is not just getting the finances in order, but also leaning into those relationships and interests. Money is one part of the puzzle, but it is not the whole picture.

Where money is concerned, the first step is simply understanding what you have.

Income from CPP survivor benefits, OAS, pensions, or RRIFs. Savings in a TFSA, RRSP, or non-registered account. Your ongoing expenses and any debts.

For many widows I meet, this is the first time they have seen the full picture. One client broke down in relief when she realized her income was more than enough to cover her lifestyle. She went from lying awake at night worried about running out of money, to booking a family trip she had been putting off for years.

Once the numbers are clear, the question becomes how you want to manage things going forward. Some widows want the guidance of an advice-only planner who can show them what is possible while leaving the investments in their own hands. Others prefer to learn and take control themselves, often using a robo-advisor to automate the investing side. The common thread is a desire for control and transparency. No more gatekeeping, no more asking for permission.

I also see a lot of caution around spending and giving. Many widows are afraid to spend because they fear running out of money or becoming a burden to their children. A good plan can change that.

I worked with one widow who was nervous about helping her adult kids financially. Once we ran her numbers, she realized she could comfortably live on her income and still gift a modest amount each year. That clarity turned guilt into joy.

The financial industry often treats widowhood as a transaction. Transfer the account, sign the papers, and carry on.

But what widows need most is time, clarity, and a trusted voice to say, “Yes, you can afford this. Yes, you’re going to be okay.”

The research tells us widows are often resilient, sometimes even happier over the long term than their male counterparts, because they have community and connection. My experience tells me that when you combine that resilience with financial clarity, the path forward becomes less frightening.

Losing your spouse changes everything. But it does not mean you have to surrender control of your money or your future. Surround yourself with people you trust. Take the time you need before making big decisions. Get clear on the numbers. And remember that your financial plan should not make you feel small or powerless. It should give you the confidence to live, spend, and give with purpose.