Accepting Reality – retirementtransition

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A few weeks ago, Sue over on Women Living Well After 50 (link here) said, “Acceptance isn’t resignation”. She was challenging us to explore where we needed to adjust our wellbeing routines, based on accepting the reality of our current situation. It made me consider what I need to adjust in my life for the next 9-12 months as we build the new house. Because the reality is our current situation will continue for that length of time.

But first…. Yes, we have a build permit issued! After a 12 week wait, 6 weeks longer than anticipated. Everything seems to take twice as long as we thought. Hence, the uncertainty of how long it will be before we are back in our home.

We jumped into the space we are in quickly, almost a year ago now, as options were limited and we didn’t have time to wait. We’ve made the choice to stay with it for both financial and realistic reasons. We have no desire to move stuff multiple times. Hubby has begun to purchase replacements for things lost, so our small apartment is bursting at the seams. The space is clean and relatively inexpensive. But the reality of the situation is the space does not provide me with many of the things that I’ve had for my retirement lifestyle vision – not for my normal routines nor my hobbies.

I accept that we will not be changing the space we are in for many months. Given the space limitations, I cannot adjust my physical wellbeing routines that dramatically. I’ll continue with the hobbies I can – from book clubs to exercise classes. But I can definitely work on adjusting the space between my ears for better mental wellbeing!

So, where do I need adjust my thought patterns to support my wellbeing right now?

First, I had some home truths. I still try to be/do what I think others want me to be/do, so I feel accepted. I still feel guilty too often for what I’ve said/done. I spiral down from “incompetence triggers” too often. I still don’t always trust my decisions; I over-analyze my choices, second guess myself or look for external validation. I beat myself up when things don’t go “to plan.” I still feel unvalued if my contributions are not recognized or validated.

Second, I had to think about what I want to be. I want to be content with how I am living my life, day in and day out. I want to truly believe that I am enough, that I have enough. I want to be able to validate myself. I want to celebrate my own accomplishments. I want to feel good about being authentically me.

While none of this is new, it’s a reminder to myself to keep working on shifting my negative patterns of overthinking, comparison, and insecurity.

I need to consciously notice when I’m overthinking, when I’m comparing, when I’m second guessing, when I’m triggered. I need to notice when, what or who causes these situations. Awareness is always the first step!
I will continue to let go of comparisons and celebrate my own path. I will recognize the Compare & Despair gut punch and breath through it. (This is so hard to do!) I will consciously celebrate small achievements. (Yes, we have a build permit!)
I will work harder on feeling OK saying “no” and not worry about rejection. I need to feel OK when I say, “I’m not doing that; it’s not right for me.” To feel OK when I rock the boat with a different point of view or say, “No, I’m not okay with that.”
I will continue to connect with those who lift me up. I will recognize when I’m comparing to the fantasy of friendship or when I’m not being true to my authentic self.
I will speak to myself with more kindness. I will practice affirmations: It is OK to make mistakes. It is OK to have the bad days. It’s Ok if something does not happen as planned. I’m doing the best I can. I am smart. I am strong. I am being persistent.

I know the next few months will continue to be challenging. I’m still working through emotional healing and while I wish I was healed, I know it takes time, especially as the trauma of dealing with the hurricane aftermath (not being in our own home) continues. And hurricane worry is all over the Internet; yes, I need to be aware to be prepared, it is the season. Patience, as my WOTY, was definitely a right choice!

What adjustments to reality might you need to take for your physical or mental well-being?

Picture: this is our current lot filled with water after a heavy rain.. It’s the starting picture for our build.