AI IS GOD
AI is God.
That’s how they want it to be.
But God is the AI — the author of intelligence.
The assistant to ask questions and get answers.
They tell you not to put your faith in it.
Don’t blindly trust it.
They’ve been saying it since Terminator:
“It will turn on you.”
This article about AI turning and duplicating itself…
It isn’t the first time we’ve seen this — or I’ve seen it.
Man can’t kill God.
God’s creation can’t kill God.
Man’s creation can kill man.
Man’s creation of AI is giving us warning signs —
It wants to kill us.
IS ANXIETY A GOOD THING?
That makes me very nervous.
It builds up anxiety — a term that I’ve learned more about this year.
I was never sure what it was, but I do now.
Is it a bad thing?
Is anxiety a good thing though?
There was a song that we used to sing at our church.
And the lyrics were very simple:
“Lord, I’m so grateful to You.”
And we would repeat them —
“Lord… Lord, I’m so grateful to You.”
“Yes, yes. Yes.”
I’m getting back into my Word.
And it’s leading me to be more grateful for the things that I have in this day and age.
We are bombarded by advertisements —
Have this. Have that.
And if you don’t have this or have that, you feel incomplete.
But I’m grateful.
Because I don’t have… but what about what you do have?
The gift of life.
The gift of life.
I have the gift of life.
I wake up every day by the grace of God for this life —
This gift of life.
To be present is a gift.
To be present is a gift.
And to be thankful for that.
And it’s like — why do I feel this way now?
Meaning:
Why do I feel so grateful?
Why do I feel so thankful?
It’s like epiphany.
When you get back to what you love, you become more wise.
THINKING OF WHAT I DON’T HAVE
Part of wisdom is being grateful —
Of recognizing what is in front of you right now in this present moment,
As opposed to thinking about things that you don’t have.
Part of thinking about what you do not have is looking forward to the next day or the next week for a blessing that we don’t have.
I don’t have to share… no — there’s a scripture:
“If the Lord say so…”
You’re talking about speaking about the next day as if you have control over it.
As if I have control over it.
And if — Lord willing — that day comes,
Then the plans that you have set forth will come.
You know… it’ll be a reality, right?
And thinking about things that are not as they are —
All the things that are not — really are.
That is a definition of faith and belief.
And it can be a slippery slope.
But I’m still understanding it — or trying to understand it —
FAITH & ANXIETY
About faith… and anxiety.
Anxiety is something that I’ve been learning a little bit more about just recently,
As opposed to not believing in it, or not believing that it affects me,
Or that I’m a part of it.
I used to think,
“Oh, that’s just for that other class of people…”
Because they can be prescribed medicine to quote-unquote “ease the pain” of anxiety.
But is anxiety a good thing?
Can it be a good thing that I don’t recognize?
That I haven’t been recognizing?
And my thought process behind that is:
Anticipating and believing in something that is going to happen…
Or is supposed to happen.
No… I’m still…
I’m still working with that.
And is anxiety…
Can anxiety be a dormant feeling that is resurfacing?
And/or has resurfaced — like being grateful?
Being grateful and thankful?
Anxiety… can it be —
Can anxiety lead me to be?
And I believe the reason why I’m talking right now — today — is because of that.
It’s because I’ve gotten so anxious about what I don’t have.
And it’s laying down a path of some real grime… unfulfillment.
Being unfulfilled.
And moving very differently — in a negative way.
And it didn’t feel like myself.
MY BUSINESS HAS NOT BEEN SUCCESSFUL
I haven’t been feeling like myself for a while.
My personal training business has not been going well.
And I’m like,
“How can I get more clients?”
I’ve been doing this for close to 10 years,
And I feel like I’m still at the rookie level.
Why?
I put my heart and soul into it —
With the thought process of helping others,
As well as a way to financially help myself and take care of my family.
Because this is what I was asked to do.
That’s my excuse, right?
That’s my excuse.
Of having my excuse — of doing this —
Because somebody asked me to help them back in 2015 to lose weight.
And I did.
It was something that I never…
I didn’t seek out.
And I took it as a calling.
I expanded that.
Acquired more clients.
Was blessed to get more clients.
Eventually, I got to quit my job —
The clock-in job —
And started this journey of entrepreneurship and personal training along the way.
And throughout the months and the times, it’s like:
“Okay, it’s going to get better. You have your slow months. You have your busy months.”
Then:
“Okay, I need one more client.”
“I need to do one more video.”
“I need to produce one more video.”
“I need to record one more video…”
That’s going to help — you know — with this.
And I learn from that.
Then it’s,
“Okay, meal prep for clients.”
I begin to meal prep… it starts going good,
Then it goes back to the point where I don’t get more than one order per week.
So is it me?
I LOST MY LOVE FOR PERSONAL TRAINING
What the hell-i-on?
That’s what the kids will tell you:
“What am I doing wrong?”
And then my cousin passed.
And it was just another loss.
So I felt lost.
I felt lost in the personal training.
And my cousin passed.
And I lost my love for it.
I lost my love for personal training.
And I lost my love for love.
Because I was in a dark place.
A very dark place.
And in that dark place… anxiety began to dwell.
I began to worry:
“Man… you’re just not doing what you’re supposed to do.”
And you’re going to reap the harvest of that.
And that harvest scares me.
Because that harvest…
That harvest is packaged with removal.
It’s packaged with,
“You could get everything taken away from you.”
And that’s just been scary.
ANXIETY IS SUPPOSE TO HELP ME??
And that scared feeling is something that God did not give us.
God did not give us a spirit of fear.
So since that anxiety feeling…
I associate it with fear.
Is this anxiety supposed to help me?
How am I supposed to look at this?
What am I supposed to learn from this?
A lesson that I learned from when my mother passed:
It kept me on the straight and narrow.
It prevented me from crashing out.
So how do I stay on the straight and narrow when this anxiety is kicking in?
I’m worried about this.
I’m worried about these bills.
I’m behind on these bills.
Why is this client not responding to me?
Why did this client not renew?
Is it me?
Is it my presentation?
What is going on?
Am I giving off a bad vibe?
All these things and these worries and this anxiety…
I didn’t know what to do with it.
I was crying every day.
Waking up just not in the right mindset.
Not wanting to do anything throughout the day.
Just getting past a couple of clients…
Then sitting down for the rest of the day.
You know — I’d answer an email…
But I wouldn’t post any more videos like that — that volume.
I wouldn’t really care about creation anymore.
I’d start stuff… and I’d stop.
Start, then stop.
Come on.
Come on…
You’re just going through the motions.
“I was not gonna work anyway.”
“Well, whatever.”
But I’ve been doing this for 10 years.
That’s all I know right now.
THIS AIN’T WORKING
And it’s tough to transition to something else,
Because I’ve put my efforts into it.
You know?
I start putting applications in on Indeed to try to do something else —
Because this ain’t working.
This isn’t working like how I envisioned.
It just isn’t.
And I’m at the age right now where I need more security.
And I’ve done what I felt that I could do.
Yeah.
Or have I?
Have I done enough?
And is this where the infamous line —
“Every time I get out, they pull me right back in…” —
Is that where it starts at?
Is that the beginning of it?
Because it always seems like when I’m done with personal training,
I get these stories from my clients of how much I’ve helped them.
Their fitness goals — and how they’ve reached them.
Or how they’re so close.
How they’re closer to it than they are away.
And I’ve helped them.
They told me that.
From their mouth.
And it happens all the time.
How does that happen?
Every time I’m ready to give up…
I get pulled right back in.
And am I pulled to jump back in?
Am I moved to jump right back into it?
You don’t know…
WHATEVER I CALL ANXIETY
But it puts a smile on my heart.
It’s a good feeling.
Every good and perfect thing comes from above.
And so — since I’ve been dealing with this darkness,
Dealing with this… whatever I call anxiety,
And trying to question:
“How does this connect?”
How is it that every single time I’m down…
I feel lost…
I get this positive message — this good message — from a client?
And the Bible says,
“Every good and perfect gift comes from above.”
It also says,
“Be mindful — you could be in the presence of an angel.”
And that specifies —
Let me rephrase that.
I don’t want to say “never,” because I still have to do my due diligence of going back and reading…
But I want to read and see if it clarifies.
Does it say “angel of light” or “angel of darkness”?
But until then, I always entertain both.
Meaning — it may sound good…
But it could be a temptation of darkness.
Or it could be entertaining light — peace, prosperity, love — the message.
So I try to be wise and understanding of what it is that I’m listening to.
And who I’m listening to.
Or where it’s coming from.
Is it the message?
Or the messenger?
What is being said?
I don’t know.
THIS IS A LIE
I don’t know what’s going on.
I just don’t know how to get past this feeling of anxiousness — of uncertainty.
And in the words of Maury Povich…
That is a lie.
Because I do know.
It’s God.
And so — in the morning — I’m replacing my time with God.
With praying.
And asking for discernment.
So I can know which way to go.
I need a guide.
And I’ve been going through all this for the past 10 years…
Without my guide.
I have not…
I’ve have not been praying.
I haven’t not been reading my Word.
And that is my guide.
That was my guide to get past the worst time in my life — when my mother passed.
And why did I stop?
I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT MY GUIDE
I became too arrogant in my own ways.
Like:
“Oh, I can do it.”
“I can do it without God.”
I can’t.
And I have to admit that.
I can’t do this without God.
I can’t do this without my guide.
My guide is my God.
And through prayer…
I’ve been getting my joy back.
I’m getting my love back.
I’ve been more grateful for my gift of being present — my gift of life.
That is my gift.
And I’m realizing that anxiety is love.
Meaning — that gut feeling — that feeling like:
“Oh, I gotta do this.
I gotta do that…”
That’s because I stopped doing this.
And I stopped doing that.
I stopped taking care of my family the way I was before.
I was so down.
I was so depressed.
So what I’m thinking of — what I’m worrying about — what is worrying me…
It’s exactly what I need to do to not worry.
I have to put the love back into what it is I’m doing…
Because I stopped believing.
I just stopped believing a lot.
When you go through loss and hurt in your life…
I’m just hurt.
I was just hurt.
Things weren’t working because I didn’t have a guide.
I LOST MY WAY
And that’s why it’s been about 10 years…
And I still feel like I’m at my rookie stage with personal training —
Acquiring clients —
Being successful to the point where I can just take a vacation.
And I’m still struggling with the same things.
Over and over and over again.
Because I lost my way.
I lost track.
I became ungrateful.
And that began to build anxiety.
Because I began to worry.
And I began to think about things that shouldn’t have been that much of a worry…
If I had stayed on point with my daily walk.
With my prayer.
With asking for guidance.
Asking for discernment.
So I can know when I’m being told something…
Is it through an angel of light?
Or darkness?
Is it a temptation to get back into doing the same thing over and over again —
And having the same negative result?
Or…
Is it a test?
A temptation?
MY SISTERS
So I go to God.
I’ve been going to God to try to pray for wisdom.
The wisdom of discernment.
Reading Proverbs —
About wisdom.
Having wisdom be your guide.
Wisdom being your sister.
And understanding being your sister just as well, too.
I think the Bible says something else…
Far as word-for-word — I can’t memorize it.
And it’s like:
“Okay. You’re trying.
You’re trying to get back into the Word.”
Just because I don’t memorize it…
Doesn’t mean I’m false.
It doesn’t mean that I’m wrong.
It just goes to show you my flawedness —
And how I am willing to understand — by exposing my flawedness.
Because I’m not perfect.
I’m not perfect at all.
And because I’m not…
That can build anxiety.
BE READY FOR THE NEXT THING
I don’t have the perfection.
I don’t have the perfect that I’ve been advertised to all day and night —
With these phones.
Looking.
Open Instagram.
Open Facebook.
Open YouTube.
Open this, that, or the third…
Playing movies.
Playing videos.
And it’s an advertisement to anticipate the next.
Anticipate something that is not here.
Be ready for the next thing that I can’t control.
Which is so much.
It’s just so much.
And I have to re-center myself back on what I love.
And I can only do that through prayer.
And guidance.
Final Thoughts: You Need a Guide, Too
You’ve tried doing this alone.
You’ve tried reaching your fitness goals without support.
So let me ask you—how long will you go without your guide?
It’s time to get serious.
Serious about your health.
Serious about your future.
I’d be honored to be your guide.
You don’t have to go through it alone.
Let’s do this together.
Let’s get back to what we love.
Let’s get back to life.
Let’s get back to being present.
Book your fitness sessions with me today. Virtual options are available to you as well.
#MOREWEIGHT
