Personalization can be powerful, but push it too far, and it starts to feel creepy. What begins as relevance can quickly turn into discomfort. Instead of making people feel seen, we risk making them feel watched.
In this article, we explore when personalization crosses the line — and how to find the right balance between helpful and intrusive.
1. Benefits of email personalization
Before we jump into where personalization goes wrong, let’s remind ourselves why we still need it and why “just canceling it” isn’t the answer.
Personalization is a form of long-term respect for the customer. That’s what it’s really about — being relevant, being respectful. And when done well, in return, subscribers will engage and stay engaged over time.
Jasper van Laethem,
It’s not just a trend. Personalization is a proven way to build stronger customer relationships and drive real business results.
Why personalization works
- emotional connection: Personalized messages show you understand the customer’s needs, making your brand feel more human and relatable;
- increased engagement: When content reflects a subscriber’s preferences, they’re more likely to keep opening your emails, click through, and take action;
- higher retention: Customers who feel respected are more likely to stay with your brand over time.
Personalization by the numbers
- 9 out of 10 marketers have seen increased ROI through personalization strategies;
- 66% of the customers expect brands to understand their needs and wants;
- 56% of millennial consumers say they will become repeat buyers after a personalized experience;
- 52% of customers prefer content in their native language over a lower price;
- 64% of customers say they will quit a brand due to the lack of personalization.
Personalization isn’t just a way to stand out, it’s also a way to stay relevant.
2. When personalization goes too far
We’re in a very spoiled position. We can do so much now.
Personalization can create powerful experiences, but there’s a fine line between helpful and creepy. And more marketers are realizing they’ve crossed it.
The downside of overpersonalization
Here’s what can go wrong when personalization crosses the line
- it can harm your audience: Sometimes, being “too personal” touches a nerve. People may feel uncomfortable, judged, or manipulated by what they receive, or as some customers put it, “Like salt on the wounds;”
- customers get stuck in a content bubble: They keep seeing more of what they’ve already clicked — missing out on new products or campaigns. As a result, you lose potential cross-sells and upsells;
Some brands have started dialing back one-to-one recommendations after realizing they were limiting discovery. Instead of expanding brand awareness, they were narrowing it. Over-targeting creates a filter bubble — where customers keep seeing more of the same and miss out on everything else a brand has to offer. Hyper-personalization doesn’t just raise ethical concerns — it can also hurt business performance.
- unsubscribes go up: When emails feel too personal or intrusive, customers may back out entirely just to protect their privacy.
But here’s the twist
85% of brands believe they’re delivering personalized experiences, yet only 60% of consumers agree.
On paper, that sounds like a green light to push personalization even further. “Let’s crank it up so customers finally notice!” But in reality, some brands are already creeping into stalker territory without realizing it. So, how do you know you’ve gone too far on email personalization?
Signs you’ve gone too far with email personalization
- you’re using data customers didn’t knowingly provide: Cross-channel personalization works well when it’s based on interactions subscribers remember — like signing up for your loyalty program or purchasing in-store. But when emails reflect behavior gathered from third-party sites or unrelated apps, it can feel invasive. If recipients can’t connect the dots between their actions and your message, you risk breaking their trust. 62% of consumers say they feel like they’ve lost control of their personal data;
- your emails feel overly specific: Mentioning the exact color someone filtered by or referencing an item they hovered over once can feel unsettling. Just because you can personalize to this level doesn’t mean you should;
- every message feels like surveillance: “You viewed this,” “You left this in your cart,” “Still thinking about it?”— these emails can work individually. But if you send too many behavior-based emails in a short time, it starts to feel like someone’s watching. It’s better to prioritize or combine triggers;
- you keep pushing the same product or message: Showing the same product, category, or recommendation based on one past action creates a loop. If a customer already bought the item, continuing to promote it feels careless and can lead to churn.
Real-life examples of when personalization goes wrong
There are things you technically can predict, but shouldn’t. Some things are just too personal, and if you cross that line, it feels like a violation.
Example 1: Socially unacceptable predictions
One of the most well-known cases of over-personalization involved U.S. retailer Target. They used browsing and purchase data to predict if someone might be pregnant and sent them personalized ads accordingly. The situation escalated when a teenager’s parents discovered her pregnancy through the coupons Target sent to their home, effectively outing her before she had the chance to share it herself. What was technically smart backfired socially and ethically.
I think this is a very good example of going too far.
Example 2: Crossing data boundaries
Someone buys sneakers in your offline store, and you later send an email offering matching socks — great! If they used your loyalty card or app, it feels great, as well. Someone Googles “baby strollers” and suddenly gets an email from a completely different brand offering strollers. That’s the moment customers think, “Wait… how do they even know that?” I’ve experienced this myself — and honestly, it felt creepy enough that I reported the email as spam, even though I’d interacted with the brand before. This is also very true for the banking industry.
Getting data that a customer or prospect doesn’t expect you to have… usually comes through third-party acquisition. That can definitely get things off on the wrong foot.
Example 3: Sensitive topics
A person searches through your website for anxiety symptoms and soon starts getting emails promoting therapy apps, no matter whether they signed up for them or not. What could have been support ends up feeling like surveillance. Mental health and personal well-being are areas where missteps can cause real harm.
Example 4: Too many insights
In B2B email outreach, showing that you understand the product or business need is a good thing. But showing that you know the entire management team — and cc’ing them all — can feel intrusive and even a bit unsettling. It’s also unnecessary. Instead of impressing, it might leave recipients wondering: Why involve everyone instead of reaching out to the right person directly?
Personalization crosses the line when it turns into manipulation. For example, cc’ing the entire C-suite or name-dropping roles just to fake familiarity isn’t clever, it’s misleading.
Anna Levitin,
Example 5: Stuck in a purchase loop
After buying an engagement ring, a customer keeps receiving ads for more rings. It’s not only irrelevant — it shows the brand isn’t paying attention to key milestones. Personalization should evolve with the customer journey, not repeat what’s already done.
Another case: if you keep offering customers only what they already like — say, chocolate bars or apples they often buy — you miss the chance to introduce something new. Over time, this can lead to boredom, and eventually, you may lose the customer altogether.
If you only show customers the categories they’ve already bought from, they stay stuck there. You miss the chance to spark discovery or build broader brand awareness. Keep pushing the same product or message, and people eventually lose interest. Precision, when overdone, can make your brand feel narrow and forgettable.
These examples show that personalization isn’t just a technical challenge — it’s an emotional and ethical one, too. When done right, it feels respectful and helpful. When done wrong, it can feel manipulative, intrusive, or even careless. The key is not just in how much data you have and use, but how thoughtfully you use it.
Curious how leading marketers approach personalization in the real world — and what tools help them get it right? Watch our webinar with industry gurus Anna Levitin, Chad S. White, and Jasper Van Laethem as they share the strategies and tools they rely on to personalize at scale, without crossing the line.
Finding the right balance between email personalization and customer privacy
Sometimes it’s harder to do less.
We don’t personalize just because we can. We personalize with purpose — to be relevant, respectful, and helpful. And the best personalization strategies strike a balance between what people tell us, what their actions reveal, and what serves their journey.
1. Prioritize segmentation over precision
Before diving into one-to-one personalization, aka hyper-personalization, make sure you’re doing the basics right. Segment by lifecycle stage, interest, region, or behavior.
2. Personalize by journey stage
Tailor your messaging to where recipients are in their customer journey — whether they’re just discovering your brand, actively comparing options, or returning after a purchase. Deep personalization makes sense closer to conversion, while early-stage messages should focus on education, trust, and discovery.
3. Mix personal with universal
Pair subtle personal touches — like the recipient’s plan, location, or recent activity — with broader content, such as seasonal picks or bestsellers. This encourages discovery, avoids the filter bubble effect, and keeps emails from feeling too targeted or intrusive.
4. Watch the frequency, not just the message
Even the best personalization can feel invasive when it’s overdone. If someone abandons a cart, browses a product, and clicks a pricing page all in one day, they shouldn’t get three separate emails about it. Overlapping triggers can quickly overwhelm your audience. Instead, prioritize or consolidate messages to keep the experience helpful, not hectic.
5. Don’t overreact to every click
Just because someone visits your pricing page once doesn’t mean they’re ready to buy. That action alone could mean curiosity, comparison, or research for later. Instead of reacting instantly, look for patterns — repeated visits, deeper pageviews, or reading your FAQ — before sending a follow-up. Timing matters as much as content.
6. Listen to what people say and what they do
Don’t rely only on the preferences subscribers have once selected. Preferences have a half-life. People change their minds, and their actions often reveal it first.
The best strategy here is to cross-check declared interests (zero-party data like surveys or sign-up forms) with real behavior (clicks, views, purchases) to stay current, respectful, and helpful.
We wish people were constantly updating their preferences, but they’re not. So you have to go on their behavior. Here’s an example: In preferences, customers say they were really interested in baseball and then all of a sudden you see them doing lots of browsing on basketball. You would be foolish to ignore that behavior and not try to say, “Let me show you some things about basketball now that maybe you’re more interested in, maybe for you or someone in your household or a friend or whatever it might be.” You wanna be respectful, but, you know, paying attention to their behavior is also respectful.
7. Use relatability over precision when it makes sense
Not every email needs to feel like it was written just for one person. In fact, relatability can do wonders, especially in B2B. Instead of trying to predict someone’s next move, reflect their world with stories, use cases, and testimonials they recognize.
In any email campaign or social post that mentions our testimonials, we always include the customer’s title, number of units they manage, and their location. That’s what makes users say, “Wow, this is just like me. These are the same challenges I’m facing.”
This kind of value-driven personalization doesn’t require deep tracking. It simply requires that you know your segments and speak their language.
Ways to collect data and keep it fresh without creeping people out
Respectful personalization starts with transparency. The most effective strategies are built on data that customers willingly share and expect you to use — from preferences to behaviors. Below are some practical ways to collect this data and keep your personalization both helpful and welcome.
82% of consumers are willing to share their data for a more customized experience.
Collecting data
1. Zero-party data: just ask
Zero-party data is information customers share intentionally, like preferences, interests, or feedback. It’s not inferred or tracked, but voluntarily provided. This kind of data builds trust and sets clear expectations.
Some ways to collect it:
- signup forms;
- welcome quizzes and onboarding questionnaires;
- preference centers;
- quick polls or single-click surveys inside emails.
It works best when it’s fun, functional, or frictionless. A product quiz, a short onboarding guide, or a single-click update link can go a long way.
2. Behavior: listen, but don’t over-listen
First-party behavioral data shows what customers do, like browsing, clicking, or purchasing. It complements what people say and helps refine your message.
Progressive profiling works best when it’s easy — a simple click in an email is enough to capture useful data.
How to keep your data relevant
Gathering data is just the first step. To keep personalization useful and respectful, you need to use the data well and keep it fresh.
Structure the data that you have
Even if you have great data, you can’t personalize at scale if it’s scattered across tools or stuck in spreadsheets. Data needs to be categorized, structured, and ready to act on — not just collected for the sake of it.
The question isn’t how to get more data — it’s how to categorize, structure, and manage what we already have.
Use it, or you lose trust
If you ask for data and don’t act on it, people notice. Collect only what you need, and apply it meaningfully. Otherwise, it feels like a waste or worse — a breach of trust.
You shouldn’t ask for data until you have a use for it. Otherwise, it feels like a breach of trust.
Refresh regularly: preferences have a half-life
Interests change. Someone into tech last season might be into wellness now. Relying on old data makes your emails feel out of touch.
To stay current:
- re-ask questions occasionally;
- let subscribers update their preferences easily;
- cross-check what they say with what they do.
It’s always really important to set a refresh cadence, re-ask questions — because people change, preferences change, plans change.
Don’t forget the responsibility that comes with it
Having access to personal data also means being accountable for how it’s stored and who can access it. Limit internal permissions, secure integrations, and regularly audit what you keep. Not all data needs to live forever, and the more sensitive the insight, the more important it is to protect it.
Wrapping up
Personalization is no longer just a technical challenge, it’s also an emotional and ethical one. The goal isn’t to impress with precision but to create trust through relevance. When done right, personalization helps people feel understood; when done wrong, it makes them feel stalked.
So, before launching your next campaign, ask yourself:
- Are you providing value or just showing off how much you know?
- Are you guiding subscribers forward or trapping them in a loop?
- Are you respecting your audience’s expectations and privacy?
It’s not about more data. It’s about smarter use of the data you already have.
The future of personalization is well-balanced, empathetic, and adaptable. Know your audience. Honor their journey. And always, always leave room for surprise.
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