Situationship: Pros and cons of this romantic arrangement

Be it friends with benefits or a booty call, there are different terms to describe a romantic arrangement with no commitment. Another term taking over the internet is situationship. It is an emotional or physical bond you have with someone, but prefer to give no labels. There are regular meetups, physical intimacy, and emotional connections, but this sort of arrangement lacks formal commitment. Apart from no mutual commitment, there are also no shared future goals, and established boundaries. If you want to get intimate, but not commit, you may want to give situationship a shot.

What is situationship?

It is the grey area between friendship and a committed relationship. “It is a romantic entanglement where both parties share emotional and often physical intimacy, but deliberately avoid defining their connection,” shares psychotherapist and life coach Dr Chandni Tugnait. For the most part, people in a situationship are emotionally and sexually invested even if there are commitment issues, as per research published in Sexuality & Culture in 2024.

Unlike traditional relationships, situationships are more about unspoken rules and comfortable ambiguity. Going by research, many youngsters are comfortable with this kind of a romantic arrangement. Almost 50 percent of people aged between 18 and 29 have been involved in a situationship, as per research published in the Partners Universal International Innovation Journal in 2024.

How to know if you are in a situationship?

Here are the tell-tale signs of a situationship:

You may also like

• Inconsistent communication patterns: Unlike defined relationships where there is regular communication, situationships often feature sporadic texting and unpredictable response times. You might have intense periods of constant contact followed by days of silence.
• Absence of future planning: Conversations rarely venture beyond immediate plans. While discussing the future, whether it’s next month’s concert or holiday plans, there is noticeable hesitation or vagueness. “This reflects a deliberate avoidance of long-term commitment or investment in the connection,” says the expert.
• Less meetings with family and friends: The so-called relationship exists in isolation. You rarely meet each other’s friends or family, and when you do, you are introduced without a clear label or just as “a friend.” This suggests you and that person are keeping options open.
• Emotional availability on terms: The connection runs deep but only when it is convenient for both of you. This selective intimacy indicates a reluctance to assume full relationship responsibilities.
• Undefined exclusivity: There is an unspoken understanding about seeing other people, but it’s never explicitly discussed. This often leads to internal conflict about loyalty and commitment expectations.
• Weekend-centric connection: Most interactions happen during leisure hours or weekends, rarely extending into daily life routines. “This pattern suggests the relationship serves more as an escape or comfort rather than a life integration,” says Dr Tugnait.

What are the pros and cons of a situationship?

Here are pros of being in a situationship:

• Emotional freedom: This kind of setup provides emotional intimacy without the weight of heavy expectations. “The freedom to experience intimacy while maintaining personal space allows for self-discovery and growth without relationship constraints,” says the expert.
• Schedule flexibility: Without formal commitments, you can prioritise your goals in professional life, personal interests or other life aspects without feeling guilty about neglecting your partner’s obligations.
• Less pressure: The absence of traditional relationship milestones takes away the stress of meeting societal or family expectations. There is no pressure to integrate lives, meet the parents or have plans for the future.
• Space for healing: If you are recovering from a past relationship trauma, a situationship can serve as gentle reintroductions to intimacy without full emotional vulnerability.

Here are cons of being in a situationship:

• Emotional uncertainty: “The lack of clear boundaries often leads to anxiety and confusion,” says the expert. Questions about exclusivity, future possibilities, and genuine feelings can lead to mental stress.
• Unequal investment: Often, one person develops deeper feelings while the other remains emotionally distant. This can lead to an imbalance that can ultimately cause heartache.
• Time investment risk: Months or years in this kind of a romantic arrangement might mean missing opportunities for meaningful relationships with others who share similar relationship goals.
• Emotional exhaustion: Constantly working around undefined boundaries and unspoken rules can be mentally draining. It can affect other life areas like your work, relationship with your family, and friendships.

Is a situationship healthy?

It mostly depends on the awareness and emotional alignment of both parties involved. “When both individuals consciously choose this dynamic and maintain honest communication about their expectations, it can be a manageable arrangement,” says Dr Tugnait.

However, it often becomes emotionally unhealthy when there is misalignment in feelings or future expectations. The lack of clarity and commitment in a situationship can cause emotional, cognitive, and sexual distress, affecting overall well-being, as per research published in the Journal of Propulsion Technology in 2023.

“It is not inherently unhealthy, but it requires emotional management and honest self-reflection to prevent distress,” says the expert.

How to end a situationship?

The key to ending this arrangement lies in clear communication and firm boundaries despite the connection’s undefined nature. Here’s how to get out of it if it is not working for you:

1. Direct conversation

Despite the casual nature of this romantic arrangement, choose in-person communication over text. “Express your feelings and decision clearly, and avoid vague statements that might leave room for confusion,” suggests the expert. For example, instead of saying, “I want space,” say “I have decided to end this situationship.”

2. Acknowledge the reality

Be honest about why you are ending things with that person. Whether it’s developing deeper feelings, emotional drain or simply wanting something different in your current life stage, expressing your true reasons provides closure for both parties.

3. Set clear boundaries

Establish post-ending expectations while getting out of a situation. Decide whether you will remain friends, need complete distance or prefer limited contact. “Make these boundaries explicit to prevent falling back into old patterns,” says the expert.

4. Maintain distance

You might want to be friends later in life, but right after ending a situationship, create physical and digital space. “This might mean unfollowing on social media, avoiding common hangout spots or taking a break from mutual friend gatherings,” says the expert.

5. Practice self-care

Acknowledge that ending a situationship can hurt despite its unofficial status. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. “You can lean on your friends or family, and focus on personal growth activities,” says the expert. As part of your self-care routine, engage in activities that you enjoy.

When it comes to a situationship, a connection exists in a comfortable but undefined space. If you get involved in it, you and the other person can maintain control over the level of investment, and also enjoy the benefits of intimacy. If you want more, end it by communicating properly, and setting up boundaries.